They Say I Love You More. Moms Still Run the Day.
ZERO TO THREE's First Voice survey finds 61 percent of parents of young children say they tell their kids I love you more than their own parents did. Eighty percent of mothers still lead day-to-day parenting.
At bedtime, a lot of parents try to sound different from the house they grew up in. They say the words. They mean them.
ZERO TO THREE released First Voice on October 29, a national survey of more than 2,200 parents of children ages 1 to 5. The Loran Group fielded it online from late July into mid-August.
Sixty-one percent said they tell their kids "I love you" more often than their own parents did. About as many, 60 percent, said they focus more on their child's mental health. Fifty-seven percent said they show more physical affection.
Rebecca Parlakian, senior director of programs at ZERO TO THREE, said parents know the childhood they want to give. She also said many are running on empty while they try to stay patient, juggling work, family budgets, and their own stress.
The same survey found that 80 percent of mothers lead day-to-day parenting.
Saying I love you more often is a real change. It still leaves open who owns the calendar, the sick day, and the 4 p.m. scramble.
What they are trying to do differently
Fifty-nine percent said they spend more time playing with their children than their parents did with them.
Fifty-three percent said they put more energy into teaching and guiding than into discipline. Fifty-six percent said they will not use the physical discipline their parents used.
More than half, 53 percent, also said they focus more on their own mental health than their parents did.
Who still owns Tuesday
Eighty percent of mothers lead day-to-day parenting, the release says.
Seventy-two percent of mothers agreed that moms carry more of the burden. Forty-five percent of fathers said the same thing about moms.
Fifty-six percent of mothers want more help. Forty-seven percent of fathers said they need more support too.
Dads in the sample often described themselves as confident and engaged. That can be true in the same house where she still runs the ordinary hours.
If the fight at your table is who notices the next need before anyone asks, start with [A Provider, a Present Parent, or Both?](/guides/provider-present-or-both).
Proud, and still tired
Most parents in First Voice said they feel confident. Fifty-three percent also said raising a child is harder than they expected.
Forty-two percent named managing their own mental health as the biggest challenge of the past month, ahead of money, judgment, or loneliness.
One in three said they had struggled to cover basics like food and rent in that same stretch. Two in three want the government to do more for families with young children. Free pre-K and paid leave topped the practical list.
About half still ask their own mother for advice. A partner and a pediatrician come next. Parents said they pull from about five sources on average, and 55 percent said there is so much information that trust gets hard.
The sample boosted African American, Hispanic, Native American, and lower-income parents. The public write-ups do not print a separate Asian line. Those answers sit inside the national totals.
Ask about the week
Keep saying I love you if that is the house you want. Plenty of parents in this survey already are.
Then ask who leads the ordinary day: pickup, the doctor portal, the list that starts before anyone else wakes up.
If that week still sits mostly on one of you, name one hour to move this week. The bedtime words can stay. Tuesday still needs a name on it.